Boy of boy what a day.
Life is funny. It appears that there are many opportunities to hit brick walls, get doors slammed in your face, etc. etc. I sound so negative here... and I don't mean too believe it or not. This past season of life has involved much rejection. That's all I'm saying. And it's ok. In a sense, it has made me way more confident and ok with where I am currently. I'm ok with who I am. I'm ok with what I've created. I'm ok with what I've shared with you thus far. Even though, in this time, I have pulled back on vulnerable posts and videos. Just to regroup and figure out the point of being vulnerable and honest. To gain strength and stamina, and perhaps come back out and share some more honest things. Who knows? But for a time, I have hid in my little corner of the world a little bit. And it's been nice.
Until today.... I wish I could tell you the full story, but it's impossible to explain in one blog. Basically, I've been trying to enter a new program since last December. And time and time again, people have told me I'm not educated or qualified enough to do so. To complicate things more... I keep getting lost in the system in regards to my funding for school.... so I won't have any funds... aka money for a few more weeks. Ramen noodles anyone? ... just kidding. I don't eat Ramen noodles. Alphagetti is my cup of tea.
I also didn't get a job that I was working really hard for this week! Actually, I haven't gotten through on the last several jobs I've applied for. Perhaps I sound petty... selfish... arrogant... all of the above. Perhaps I am those things. Either way, rejection sucks. That's the point of it all. Rejection sucks. It hurts. It hits you hard in the childhood wound. It sucks. Anyone with me?
At the end of the day... at the end of this day... it comes back to music. Music has never rejected me. I'm not talking about the industry. The industry for sure has held much rejection in front of me. And that's good. I'm happy I didn't receive every opportunity I've ever shot for. But music itself... the glorious, mysterious.... language of heaven... that music is... has never rejected me. It just holds stuff... just the words that I try and piece together... the sounds that I orchestrate. They may not always be very good or crafty... but it still sticks together.... just to humour me... to allow me to keep molding. What a gift. Thank God for music.
I am trying to piece some more songs together to share with you. But it's so nice that I feel no pressure to do so quickly. I'm taking my time with these songs... I'm allowing the unfinished thoughts to continue to mold and percolate.
Thanks for reading. That's all for now.